Vol 5 (1) January 2013. Page 1.
This Month in The Journal of Medicine.
Happy NY everyone!
Towards the end of the 20th Century, we were promised that by 2013 we would have with unimaginable revolutions in healthcare that would transform patient care. Instead we got antibiotic resistance, clinical commissioning groups, and an obesity epidemic.
There have been some advances however. You can now tell all of your friends instantly that you have been diagnosed with C.Diff and post photos on Facebook to prove it. You can look up anything you want on any health topic you want instantly, providing the hospital has wireless, which it doesn’t. And, with advances in flat screen technology, radiologists can have even more computer monitors than a commodities trader.
But what technologies, trends and medical fashions will be trending this year ? The Journal of Medicine has bought together leaders in medical technologies, policy and pharma to make some predictions to guide your hospital technology acquisitions, your research strategies and your clinical practice in 2013. We would of course LOVE two hear yours too, so please email them to us or use the hash tag #2013medpredictions.
1. Bleedership
Never before have we needed our ‘leaders’ more. However, you could be forgiven for thinking that they were remarkably absent in 2012. Bleedership is leadership that causes haemorrhage of money, moral and people from a health institution. Backlash anyone?
2. Hand boshing
How to wash your hands
Urban slang used by doctors for telling the infection control nurse to just pipe down. Will be big in 2013.
3. A treatment for ear wax
We predict that the world will be rid of what the WHO called one of the greatest health catastrophes of the 21st century. Well done medical science.
Wax on Wax off.
4. Can’tulation
Nurses and doctors will be so busy that neither will have time for this basic medical task. The robots will have to do it.
5. The medical reg app
Rumour has it that for 69p, you will be able to have a medical reg on your mobile in time for 2013. Expect a very tired looking app, that provides short and sometimes slightly sarcastic responses to requests for help. This product is non referable.
6. NHS map of the human genome
We predict that the NHS will announce plans to map the genomes of every patient in the united Kingdom. It will be like when Apple introduce their own version of Google maps, but got it completely wrong and it was ultimately an expensive and useless piece of technology.
Gene genie.
7. Naked gyms
Evidence suggests they are more effective than clothed gyms for curing obesity and they are literally massive in California. Leave your clothes at reception.
8. Health brown papers
Yesterday’s white papers will be used in hospital and GP toilets everywhere when
private healthcare providers refuse to fund toilet roll.
9. Harry Styles = Piles
Rhyming slang for a new generation will be big in 2013.
A haemorrhoid
Harry Styles
10. Tom Ford nursing uniforms
Rumour has it these are going to be massive. Get ready to flog yours on eBay so that you can afford to pay your rent.
Tom Ford is so febrile right now!
11. Obstetricians
They are going to be overexposed like at no time in our medical history as Kate delivers her baby. Expect endless magazine experts, television specials and documentaries on the wonder of child birth. Just remember, labour ward is the worst place in the world so they don ‘t have it all good.
